Because of recent complaints about the current system, small changes have been made to the attendance policy, according to Assistant Principal Reff Bunser.

"We [the administration] have fielded a few complaints about the punishment for skipping lunch and class," said Mr. Bunser, "and we think we've come up with a sure-fire punishment system."

Under the new rules, any student found skipping will immediately be shackled and led down to the custodian's lounge, nicknamed "the terror room" by the faculty.

After being beaten into a confession, teachers will then draw a random punishment out of a hat. "In the past, some of the punishments we've used are removal of a finger with a meat cleaver and being beaten by a bull whip," commented Mr. Geoff Muckritz, science teacher. "We feel these punishments will persuade students not to skip their classes again."

Opinions on the new system have been mostly positive. "I think it's great," said senior Liz Blosh. "The punishments have really gotten me to straighten out and stay in class. Plus, the terrible welts on my back have almost healed!"